Journal Entry – Monday, 14 August 2017

The serpent slithers slowly towards its prey. This image is extremely suggestive. The fishnet stocking clad legs look like a majestic serpent. Deadly yet so enthralling. It was actually found on a web page with satanic undertones. Perhaps that was what captured my imagination. Did the photographer or the model intend it? Mistress Stacy is equally deadly in ensnaring her prey, and just as seductive as that pair of stocking clad legs. I never expected myself to submit so quickly to her. She went to work on breaking me down when we were barely acquainted over dinner. Now I cannot live without her.

Journal Entry – Sunday, 13 August 2017

I was browsing postings and advertisements for Mistresses online just out of curiosity and realised that there are some variations to the type of involvement offered. There are Mistresses who team up with other Mistresses to offer submissives the opportunity to submit to two Mistresses in one session. Then there are those Mistressss who also advertise that they can switch. This is something I cannot understand or accept. To be dominant is a character trait that is mutually exclusive from being submissve. Perhaps it is because I am coming from the perspective of a genuine submissive and not merely a player (or more accurately a role player). 

Journal Entry – Saturday, 12 August 2017

I will be out of the country for some time over the next two weeks. That would mean I am not able to serve Mistress in the usual ways but perhaps she already has other plans for me as she alluded to the last time we met. Mistress wanted me to wear a cock cage for my entire trip but it would be quite awkward when the metal detectors go off at the airport. Perhaps she might make me do other humiliating things since I am travelling alone, or perhaps she might loan me to another Mistress in the destination country. I can only speculate.

Journal Entry – Friday, 11 August 2017

I had some doubts creep into my mind today. I had to ask myself whether my submissiveness is driven by sexual desire or am I submissive in nature as I thought myself to be. It could also be a combination of both since I am sure I will still want to continue serving Mistress Stacy if she stopped using my sexual desires and fetishes to control me. Using my desires to manipulate me and train me is a means to an end, perhaps the clearest path towards achieving absolute obedience. Alternatives would be for example extreme physical punishment to break me. In the end, the answer is probably not as important but it is still interesting to discover more about myself.

Journal Entry – Thursday, 10 August 2017

I kept on thinking about Mistress today, more so than on other days. I even suggested to a friend that she named her daughter Stacy. Perhaps it was what Mistress mentioned in her email to me this morning, about how she was having a good time with her lover which stirred up some feelings. I must admit that I get somewhat jealous whenever Mistress tells me anything about her lover. I use the word somewhat because I probably am not entitled to feel jealous knowing where I kneel in the pecking order.

Journal Entry – Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Mistress made me hump the toilet seat today. This is unlike the last time where I only had to put my cock under the toilet seat. I actually had to thrust my hips back and forth. It was awkward to say the least. It was never going to be easy without an erection from the start and it got painful to the end. On hindsight, some form of lubricant would probably have helped. This adds to the list of the things I would do at Mistress’ command. It was humiliating and very animalistic. it reminded me of my dog humping furniture at home. He would do almost everything. Am I only as good as an animal now?

Journal Entry – Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Mistress suggested once that I should be made to wear a cock cage to keep me from masturbation or any sexual activity without her permission. I was very concerned that the buldge in my pants would be very noticable. I was just thinking that the problem is the same now where I go “commando” as part of my punishment. I guess the difference is that it will be a lot easier to explain myself. On a separate note, Mistress sent me the most amazing photograph of her beautiful feet first thing this morning. When I saw the photograph, I was still half asleep and thought that I was in a dream.