Journal Entry – Monday, 11 September 2017

Mistress reminded me that I am not allowed to cum until end February next year and that it was my choice at that time to accept this ordeal rather than pay a tribute as a punishment for something that I did wrong. If I needed to cum I would have to pay a cum tax of the number of months left of my punishment multiplied by 300. This could potentially set me back financially by quite a lot. Tomorrow I will see Mistress again. I will have to prepare myself mentally. She has also given me instructions to do a few things before meeting her tomorrow.

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Journal Entry – Saturday, 26 August 2017

The goal of a submissive is to yield completely to his Mistress. The traditional way of course is by punishment and torture, which is also used in other fields for example to elicit information from a person. The torturer inflicts disproportionate amount of physical and psychological pain to break the person such that the person will be so naturally fearful of the torturer that he would be cooperative or obedient. As widely reported, the person usually suffers from severe psychological trauma and may never recover from it. In the BDSM space, there are Mistresses who use such extreme methods to break a male. There are many videos online documenting such techniques.

However, it is also possible to take the soft touch to break a male submissive. The Mistress uses either psychological manipulation or uses his desires, weaknesses and fetishes to take control of him and eventually breaks him. Arguably this soft approach is equally effective. Mistress can offer the slave the ownership of an intimate item of clothing, as seen on Mistress Stacy’s Instagram page where a male was bidding for her bra. Once in his possession, the item becomes the focus of his attention and adoration when Mistress is not present. The slave is therefore constantly reminded of Mistress and what she wants of him.

Yet another method of achieving complete submission is by controlling the orgasms like what Mistress Stacy is doing to myself and all her slaves. I have written before that the longer the slave is denied, the more pliable he becomes.

A related but more extreme form of this is possibly by severe teasing and denial. Arguably by overloading the male senses and sexual desires, the male’s spirit can be broken. Mistress Stacy has already indicated a willingness to use me as a guinea pig. To begin with, she want to see if it is possible to make me cum without touching my cock at all. If this is successful, then repeatedly subjecting me to such treatment is likely to break me completely. Such methods might have other adverse side effects such as destroying the slaves libido but when it comes to that stage, he may already be mindlessly obedient.

Journal Entry – Friday, 11 August 2017

I had some doubts creep into my mind today. I had to ask myself whether my submissiveness is driven by sexual desire or am I submissive in nature as I thought myself to be. It could also be a combination of both since I am sure I will still want to continue serving Mistress Stacy if she stopped using my sexual desires and fetishes to control me. Using my desires to manipulate me and train me is a means to an end, perhaps the clearest path towards achieving absolute obedience. Alternatives would be for example extreme physical punishment to break me. In the end, the answer is probably not as important but it is still interesting to discover more about myself.

Journal Entry – Saturday, 5 August 2017

Mistress approved the punishment I suggested for myself in the end. I am to go without underwear for a whole week. This is my punishment for looking at her without her permission in the car on Friday. Going without underwear would not only be uncomfortable, it might also mean I might have an awkward buldge at the wrong time. It could be very embarrassing when I am in the presence of ladies, especially in the office. Mistress would also like me to get a remote controlled cock ring so that she can play with me even when I am not with her. I have seen a few being sold online. I just wonder if the ring makes a distinct noise when it vibrates. That would be quite embarrassing if it was to go off when I am in a meeting.

Journal Entry – Friday, 4 August 2017

It was very special to have been allowed to drive Mistress Stacy this morning. I was very happy. I returned Mistress all her panties and bras that I had handwashed and folded neatly. The only blip was that despite my efforts, Mistress was still late. This was because of a rather bad traffic accident along the way. Separately, because I could not keep my eyes to myself, Mistress wanted me to think of a suitable punishment for looking at her without her permission. It was then I realised it is actually very difficult to do that. My suggestion that I wear pink lace panties for a week was immediately rejected. I guess I will have to try to be more creative going forward.

Journal Entry – Monday, 31 July 2017

Meeting up with Mistress was always going to be special. Unfortunately I was once again late and was told my punishment as soon as Mistress got into the car. I had to kneel for two hours (instead of the usual one) and all the time having my cock clamped firmly under the toilet seat. This I did just before I started writing this piece for today. Coming back to my meeting with Mistress, it was a very enjoyable experience. I was so glad that Mistress liked my choice of restaurant. The food was rather good. Mistress and I had a good conversation about our relationship and also shared some things about ourselves. All throughout, I was only allowed to eat when Mistress said so. She discretely mixed some of her saliva into food she put on my plate and ordered me to eat. After the dinner, Mistress took me to a deserted area and made me crawl under her legs like a dog to retreive an empty carton. It was a humiliating outward expression of submission to her. I then sent Mistress home. Mistress Stacy left me a bag of her bra and panties with specific instructions as to how I should hand wash them and return them to her by the end of the week. I am allowed to send Mistress to work tomorrow. First thing in the morning.

Journal Entry – Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Mistress disclosed the punishment she has planned for me next week. I will narrate it here after the event but what I can say is that she appears to be leaning towards domesticating me. I am excited at the plans she has for me. I will accept my punishment graciously and wholeheartedly, knowing that it will be another small step towards total submission to her. She has given me very specific instructions about our meeting next week. I am looking forward to it.